1189/Good Morning, Amy

From Radiant Heart MUSH

Good Morning, Amy
Date of Scene: 26 February 2024
Location: Dorms #3
Synopsis: Takes place on the morning after scene 1179/Overlord Diaries: Futures. Natsumi comes back to Amy's doorstep, realizing maybe she needs help more than she was willing to admit.
Cast of Characters: Natsu Oukanno, Amanda Faust


Natsu Oukanno has posed:
    It's morning. The rain that has been going on for the last hour or so has become just a light drizzle. No answers have come from Overlord Maou retreating to her Dusk Kingdom to try to experiment with her powers and find a way to fix her problem. So, after having gotten quite a distance away from campus before transforming, when she re-emerges and de-henshins, she has quite a distance to walk back to campus. In the rain. In what was supposed to be a temporary outfit, and is not really warm enough for the season or the weather. Teeth chattering, with a flushed face, partially numb limbs, tired, hungry, and not willing to go back to the boys' dorm in this state (walking around in the early morning and the looks she has gotten from passers-by was enough of an indication of what awaits her if she gets spotted over there), and also because she doesn't want to face Kano right now.

    'Stubborn' does not begin to describe her. She doubles down when questioned, triples down when challenged, and continues doing both of those the more she is pushed. She isn't going to in any way give Kano any indication that she might not have made the right decision by leaving without much preparations. Of course it was the right decision. He was being an ass about continuing to use the Oculus Obscura. She needed to give him time to obtain some sense and realize the benefits of these magic items.

    And now she is standing at Amy's door, knocking, shivering, dripping all over the hallway, and hoping she'll be let back in.

Amanda Faust has posed:
    Amy hasn't heard anything from Natsumi. No messages on her phone. Eventually she remembers that last night Natsumi stormed out without her coat, and thus without the phone number in her pocket. But she also wasn't carrying a phone. So she would have had to go back to her dorm room last night to get her things, right?

    And then the rain started so she probably stayed the night in her own bed. Her friends seemed like nice guys. She'll probably be fine. The real world doesn't run on the logic of stories written by Humanity's dark impulses. Still, the rain's letting up, maybe Amy should go over there and--

    Knock. Knock. Knock.

    Amy opens the door and on the other side is cover art that is at least 90% likely to presage a very sad story but has an every so tiny chance of relatable feels.

    She shakes her head.

    On the other side of the door is Natsumi looking like a drowned rat. Amy, who's dressed in moccasins and a too-big black sleep shirt with a faded Aperture Laboratories logo, yes there are shorts under it, goes to hug her, "Thank goodness you're okay! Oh my god you're cold..." Over a few seconds it is clear that hugging is *not* going to warm her up, and another solution must be found. She's shivering, it's bad. "Alright, come with me, come on, this way--"

    With a hand on Natsumi's back if needed, Amy leads her to the floor bathrooms and urges her into a shower cubicle. Not looking but holding her hand through the door or curtain, she directs: "Stand under hot water while I put your clothes in the dryer."

    Whatever concerns others might have about this situation, it's an emergency and Amy's sure Natsumi is far too uncomfortable to even think about anything but staying right there.

    Some minutes later, Amy returns with towels -- she has a really big one that would properly cover a woman much taller than Natsumi -- and starts to hand the other over before realizing, "Right, you don't know what to do with long hair. Come on."

    Back to the dorm room. Sit on the bed. Amy presses what water out with the towel she can and then gets out the hair dryer, which kind of precludes talking.

    There is finally a moment to do that as she runs a brush through Natsumi's hair. She's kind of rough with it, but she grips the hair above where she brushes it so the brush won't pull on her scalp.

    Amanda lets Natsumi decide if it's time to start talking yet or not.

Natsu Oukanno has posed:
    Natsumi... Is grateful that Amy isn't mad at her. And that she is being allowed back inside. And shown kindness. But she doesn't really know how to deal with... With the hugs, and the guidance with a hand on her back, and the gentle tone, and... It's not any sort of behavior she is used to, has probably never been shown in her life, doesn't even consider how gender roles might fit into it (she is definitely not thinking feminine vs. masculine), she's just... Letting it happen, feeling helpless, and morose over her inability to help either her friends or herself.

    The small comfort of Amy helping her through the steps of not catching hypothermia and dying is something that Natsumi allows herself to become temporarily lost in. She has been cold before. Really, really, really cold. Camping out in the desert around Bat Cave (yes, it's a really called that) in Oregon, in America. Her time living there is where she picked up a lot of her speech patterns, slang, and general attitude. It got so cold in that desert that you had to cover up everything or else you'd be so cold you couldn't sleep. Even your face had to be inside of your sleeping bag. Her water jug froze over night.

    That was with a male body, with a higher body temperature and metabolism, and many layers, and just being out in the rain for an hour or so in winter here in Japan has her feeling like the cold has seeped into her bones and she'll never get it out. Apparently girls, or at least this particular body, is more sensitive to the cold. So the hot water is a relief, despite feeling like it's scalding her skin off (it is not remotely hot enough for that) because of all the feeling returning along with the flush of blood to her extremities is making that deep cold start to fade.

    Modesty is not on her mind at all. A body is just a body to her. That's how it has always been. She almost doesn't even see a body as anything more than a flesh robot, like she's utterly detached from her own humanity.

    Now, as Amy helps her with her hair after drying it, brushing it, Natsumi has to wonder if that perspective was ever truly her opinion even when in her original body. Was there... Something wrong with her? With him? Not his convictions, not his world view, not his hobbies or interests, or any of that... But like... Biologically. Was there something wrong with his head? Despite his theory about Natsumi being the way she is, he is not a neurological expert, and there is a lot about the brain he doesn't know.

    But he does know that if something had happened to change his ability to feel emotions or... Something like that, then he probably wouldn't have even realized it was happening from within his own head.

    When looked at from that perspective... Maybe becoming Natsumi is just what he needs to deal with a psychological vulnerability (and also improve mental health). That's how he reasons things, at least, as she focuses on Amy brushing her long red hair. "Right. I couldn't do anything to help." Pause. "Last night, I tried to test out my magic and see if I could find any way of changing myself back, or of treating Jin in the long-term, or... A bunch of things. I have a whole check list. Most of them were a 'No'. I haven't eaten since late yesterday morning, I haven't slept..." She sighs slowly. "...What am I even supposed to do next? There's only so much time available. Pretending to be an average human again, now that I have proof that I'm special... It makes me feel nauseous to even imagine denying myself any more."

Amanda Faust has posed:
    Amy nods approvingly at the mention of a check list of things to try. Natsumi can also hear her suck in air at the mention of no food since breakfast yesterday. And no sleep.

    She takes a breath. "I told you, you can't do everything. If you try to devote yourself to a duty at the expense of all else, always worrying about taking the optimal action, with no mistakes... You'll be very unhappy. And stressed. It certainly won't help you make the most of whatever powers you have."

    "...Was life really so hurried and pressing as a teenager? I swear... Thinking back, I vaguely remember that it just seemed like I'd be young forever. I certainly didn't feel a pressure that I had to be using all of my time efficiently. Optimally."

    "Is this what the age of always-on internet does to people? Even the young folk? Or is it just that minds like ours are susceptible to a particular failure mode? If I'd gotten this power when I was... oh... 23 or so... would I have had the same worry? I've got to fix the world..."

    "What's the rush? Heroes will track you down and stop you?"

    She stops brushing, and slumps, staring into the distance. "No, that's not it, is it."

    "Every second you wait, more die. More suffer. Because of the broken world. And if you just figured out smart enough actions to take, you could fix it. Even now. You're sitting here talking to me, and wondering if this use of your time is justified. Like maybe if you'd henshined after you warmed up and done just the right thing, you could already be on the way to saving somebody."

    Amy sighs, shakes her head, and pokes the back of Natsumi's shoulder. "We can't work that way. We're humans, not robots. At the very least, you're going through some rough times right now. You're not gonna be in peak world-fixing shape if you run yourself ragged while stressed and confused, are you? So at least like. Consider right now a break. For the good of the world. You'll be able to save it better when you're rested."

    "Otherwise you're just gonna, what, go start some plan while exhausted and stressed and you double down on it until it leads to a big dramatic confrontation where you you finally realize what you're doing, and you're all, 'my god, what have I become' and you feel dumb and cliche."

    She pokes again, smiling now. "Well you're a smarter villain than that, right?"

Natsu Oukanno has posed:
    Natsumi frowns a little at the shoulder poking. Both times. More out of minor annoyance than because she's, like, bothered. "As far as I can tell, I can just stay transformed all day every day, and then I won't be bound by the limitations of either humans or robots." Not the point Amy was being, yes, she's very much smart enough to know that, as has been demonstrated. She has a clear awareness of her own shortcomings, as well as her strengths, the type of methods she should use, and how to shift priorities. There are still some very big gaps in all of those things just mentioned that she is either ignorant of or willfully ignoring, but the long and short of it is she realizes she has to get everything set up properly to be covered during her time away before committing to anything.

    She also, obviously, needs to figure out what exactly she can and can't do, and plan accordingly, not just try to take over the world because that's what villains do like she initially thought. It was just so euphoric to finally be able to do what she had always imagined doing as a child.

    "This isn't a teenager thing," she says, slightly turning her head, but still gazing across the room. "I've always been like this. People have kept rejecting me and my ideas since I was a kid, and I kept trying to make them understand and accept that I am just as valid as they are. I know there's people who like villains, or are fans of them, but I've met so few who really get where I'm coming from." One of the hands in her lap raises up she can look at it. Last night she morphed this hand into a clawed gauntlet. Now it is slender, with shorter fingers, no claws to speak of, soft, and pale, and weak, and useless for what an Overlord must do. "You appear to have at least an inkling. But can I ask you a question?"

Amanda Faust has posed:
    Amy sighs at the mention of never fitting in as a kid, trying to get others to understand you.

    She has an inkling...

    "...I used to be a fan of stories where the genre-savvy hero did the smart, logical thing at every turn. But... I was just a person. With, apparently, some stuff going on. I was never gonna be in perfect mental condition, let alone some hypothetical superhuman state to perfectly brain out a way to save everybody."

    She sighs and slumps a bit, hands resting next to her on the bed. "And then I turned into a--" She freezes for a split second as she remembers she's sitting right to an aspiring enemy "--well... Look. My heart -- the metaphorical one, my mind -- and my body are now in alignment. And it feels so good to be myself, instead of trying to be some ultra-rational superhero forcing myself to do what I know should help the world even if it feels wrong."

    She almost gives an example of how she should probably be assassinating bad mundane humans who cause more suffering than Obsidian ever will, but manages enough awareness to not say that to the Overlord. This time.

    "I'm finally enjoying being human--" she starts to smile but there's a sudden hitch, a pause in her speech, as she remembers that by some definitions she's not human, she's puppeting this body from a rock, "--and even though I know it's all just, ways my brain evolved, following my programming," she smiles more, "it feels so good I don't care."

    "If I die fighting a monster tomorrow I will have lived a happier life because of these past--" she counts on her fingers, "--seven months than if I'd had decades longer as I was."

    Although, she frowns as she realizes that depending on how she dies, she might turn into a Witch and become a problem for others.

    And then furrows her brow more as she's realizes she's immortal, so any fatal attack that doesn't, what, destroy the gem? Will probably make her automatically regenerate if her brain can't function, spending magic -- so the attack that finally kills her will only have killed her because it drained the last of her magic, turning her into a Witch.

    Insidious Kyubey... Why are Witches needed for the entropy-reversal process, anyway?

    Amy shakes her head a little. "Uh, where was I? Oh, right. Besides, I'm needed. To help people. Remember when people got turned into toys on Halloween? Someone had to be there with a cool head to help the victims and keep them sane until they turned back. And now this happened to you, and I'm here. Any hero could fight monsters."

    She finally stops staring into the distance and turns to look at Natsumi, smiling. "But I'm the one ready to help someone in your situation when you need it. I hope that makes a positive change in your life. The people who were turned into toys don't remember because of magic."

    "So uh, yeah! Go ahead! What's the question?" She cocks her head to one side slightly, still smiling.

Natsu Oukanno has posed:
    "...People were turned into toys?"

    Ugh. How much other weird crap has happened that she wasn't aware of?

    "Alright, that isn't the question I wanted to ask. Ahem." Natsumi scoots so that she can face Amy. "What do you think makes a 'Villain' a villain, and not something else?"

    She will remember everything that Amy said, but her 'address everything said' capacity is a bit low at the moment.

Amanda Faust has posed:
    Amy nods. "Yeah. I was called on to do a room at the haunted house last minute, so I pretended to be a witch surrounded by various random objects that I had transformed from people. It was supposed to just be, like, spooky psychological thriller stuff for halloween, so of course it goes and happens..." She sighs.

    She takes a breath at the question and thinks. "What makes a villain a villain..." She stands up and starts to pace a bit. "...Morally? That they'll hurt others for their own gain. But narratively? In a story?"

    "...The villain is the one who disturbs the status quo. The hero can't set right what went wrong, without it going wrong in the first place. So, the heroes of those stories I used to read, often had an air of darkness to them. An off-puttingness to everyone around them. Because they considered serious things no one else did... and perhaps because of that. Solve the problems people weren't aware needed to be solved, and you're rocking the boat, I guess."

    "Anyway, stories are often written so that these definitions coexist in the same character and in no one else. But it's messed up to give the latter moral weight because of that."

    Amy stops and sighs. "In any case, I'm just trying to get by right now. Fighting horrible monsters and helping people. Speaking of helping people, d'you wanna go to the cafeteria and get some food?"

Natsu Oukanno has posed:
    Natsumi listens attentively, looking Amy in the eye, and following along the words and logic. At the end, she just closes her eyes and sighs. Quietly, she say, "So you don't get it either, huh?" Then, wearily, she gets up and says, "So? What am I supposed to wear out of here? That coat? The clothes in the dryer?"

    Hmm. Seems like there's even more to untangle. But at least she's relatively placid and amenable to working with Amy. After all, it's being done for her sake. Whatever fire there was last night is now practically undetectable. Maybe it's fatigue, maybe it's 'having had time to think'. Maybe a little bit of both.

    But walking to the cafeteria in a towel is probably not the go-to choice in this situation.

Amanda Faust has posed:
    So, what am I supposed to wear?

    "Oh! Right, I forgot to tell you I could do this." And she places her hand on Natsumi's shoulder and there's a brief puff of pink sparkles as the towel is replaced by a girl's Radiant Heart Academy uniform, and with a only-slightly-too-big pink puffy coat for protection from the cold. Like, just oversized enough to be cute. The coat has a cartoon kitty face on it like an off-brand Hello Kitty, and there's a matching pink-with-kitties umbrella in Natsumi's hand.

    "Sorry, everything I make has to be kinda cutesy, I think. A school uniform is as close as I can get it to 'normal clothing'. I don't know how long this will last if I just leave it, but it should be more than long enough for us to go have food while your clothes finish drying."

    It comes with shoes that fit! (simple Mary Janes that match the blue of the skirt) It also comes with undergarments that fit perfectly, a weight off Natsumi's shoulders no doubt.

    Amy blinks. "Huh, where'd the towel go? I guess it was considered as clothes I'm replacing...? Hopefully I get it back when we get you back into--"

    She blinks.

    "...Where the heck did your friend even get those, anyway?" She gathers clothes from her drawers and motions for Natsumi to turn around; Amanda is then dressed in red sweatshirt and matching jersey-knit skirt. "These are what I was wearing after I transformed, actually. They're really soft and comfy..."

    With that, Amanda also retrieves a too-big red raincoat and leads the way to the cafeteria.

Natsu Oukanno has posed:
    A slow blink. Then Natsumi holds up her arms at shoulder level, and looks at the sleeves on them, and then down at the garment over all. Then turns to try to look at the back. Then she drops her arms and looks at Amy. "Where did the--" Amy asks the same question. Shrug. "Yeah. If it turns into a towel, I'll whip it off and give it back." Totally deadpan, and with an expression too tired to show emotion, she could be being serious or joking and it's hard to tell.

    Shoulders are rotated in their sockets a bit, both to adjust to the coat, and the sudden shift in where her weight was centered. First time wearing these undergaments, and she isn't really thinking about it except as a, 'oh, good, that was annoying. this is better.' Not 'oh my gosh, I'm wearing a girl's underwear' or 'this feels right...!' or 'ugh kill me now' or any of the other typical reactions someone in this situation might have (at least according to Amy's favorite genre of manga).

    Natsumi is not a normal, stable person, with normal, predictable responses or thought processes. They sometimes are not internally consistent or directly clash depending on the circumstances, and cognitive dissonance is not seen as a flaw by Natsu, instead trying to spin it as being 'open minded' and 'able to see different perspectives'. Which is kind of a wild take.

    Hyper-detailed self analysis but also a lack of self-awareness. Perhaps not the typical protagonist of a GB manga... But potential material for a Visual Novel heavy on internal monologues.

    "Okay. Thanks." Natsumi says in that same deadpan tone and blank expression. Yeah, it might just actually be lack of sleep. But her stomach is growling more and more frequently, and she can sleep after she eats. Otherwise, eating will just be an even bigger priority by the time she wakes up.

    "Where did my friend get what?" she asks belatedly after they've left the dorm room and started heading towards the cafeteria.

Amanda Faust has posed:
    It's rude to pass judgement, but certainly, Amy's watching Natsumi closely and their reactions aren't adding up to obviously boy or girl by her admittedly-amateur judgement. It's true that she herself didn't know when she was changed, and had she been asked about her body would have replied much like Natsumi, about how the body doesn't matter, but... While she might not have immediately felt like she belonged with the girls, she was always so happy to be welcomed and accepted by them, like some sort of 'honorary girl'.

    Natsumi doesn't seem stoked to be treated like a girl... but not disgusted either.

    Maybe they're just harder to read. Or gender non-conforming. Or some kind of non-binary.

    Amy doesn't know, and she's not sure how to talk about it, and doesn't really think it needs to be brought up right now, aside from her making sure to say that what Natsumi should think about what they want, in all this, rather than how they feel things have to be.

    "The clothes he brought you last night. Where'd he get those?"

    The Cafeteria! Breakfast is still being served!

    "Are those home fries? Don't see that often..." Amy takes some of what she thinks of as a distinctly American breakfast item, as well as some kind of soup with veggies and protein in it, and finds a place to sit down.

    Only after Natsumi sits down does she remember to turn to her, "Oh right, sorry. You gotta like," She stands partway up and repeats what she unconsciously did earlier, a motion to sweep the back of the skirt under her, then sits back down. "I avoided skirts for weeks after having an awful time with the girls' uniform, until someone told me."

Natsu Oukanno has posed:
    Natsumi says, "Gift shop. I guess they had some surplus spandex pants from the girls' track team in back. Not sure how within the rules it was to sell a pair since they were technically school property, but given how you reacted when I tried to leave in just the coat and no pants, I can't imagine you would have been happy if he'd not gotten me something to wear with the shirt."

    Follow, follow, follow.

    Eventually, cafeteria. Food. Payment. Sit. Red eyes blink blearily at the other red-eyed girl. She just lifts herself up a bit to do the skirt thing, because standing up is a chore right now, and she wants food.

    Omnomnom. Food.

    Some color and energy starts to return to her as she eats increasingly aggressively, finally waking up a bit now that she is realizing just how hungry she truly was. She would talk with her mouth full, like a slob, but that would take away time that could be spent chewing, so foodfoodfoodfoodfood.

Amanda Faust has posed:
    "Huh. I haven't seen the gift shop since... had to help them upgrade their computers years ago. I forgot we had a gift shop."

    "...Well, yes. I would imagine you would have been rather more uncomfortable walking here this morning, too."

    They eat.

    Natsumi sorely needs it. And Amy certainly enjoys a hot meal, even if she can have them every day.

    After eating in silence for a few moments, she comments, "I'm sorry, again. About being obsessed with this stuff. I guess that probably seems pretty weird. I hope that it's useful, now."

Natsu Oukanno has posed:
    After gobbling most of the food on her plate, which may actually be a bit too much for her current size and build, according to her stomach, she puts down her utensils, and looks at Amy quizzically, and far more awake, even if she could still benefit from a few hours of sleep at a minimum. "...? Why would you seem weird?"

    Head tilt, squint. "You mean because you can use magic?"

Amanda Faust has posed:
    Amy looks over at her. What. "...I am into speculative fiction in general, but I meant... stories about gender. No one else would've seen you yesterday and concluded what actually happened, happened and that you weren't just some crazy girl."

Natsu Oukanno has posed:
    Natsumi squints even harder. "Oh... But I mean... So what? If I called you 'normal', it'd be a bigger insult from me than calling you 'weird'... But even so." She wipes her mouth with her napkin. "You seem fine to me the way you are." Then, with a smile, Natsumi gets up. "Alright, let's figure out what comes after this. You know how to handle this situation, after all. It's your specialty, right?"

    Unaware of the casual acceptance she has shown, that thinking there might be something wrong with Amy over her gender, or interest in a genre of fiction, or... That was just taken as being part of who Amy was. And she never gave it a second thought. It's the kind of thing that a lot of people who felt out of place, ostrascized, or like they had to hide who they were would have loved to hear.

    And this girl is supposed to be a 'Villain'.

    She wanders away with her tray to where they get dropped off.

Amanda Faust has posed:
    'Normal' is an insult from Natsumi. "Well, yeah, but still..."

    That Natsumi really doesn't see it as unacceptable or anything assuages an anxiety that's been constantly eating at her without her even realizing it. Her heart lifts as a weight she wasn't even aware of is eased.

    She smiles and looks a little akward at it being called her 'specialty', "Well, yeah, I guess. But like I said before, it depends on what you want. The trick is figuring out how to make what you want, happen, and what obstacles are in our way." She returns the tray, and then makes her way out of the cafeteria, back towards the girls' dorm.

    "S'why I asked, what do you want? To change back, or not? To hide your identity, or not? Or to take some time to figure it out? ...And we should check your mailbox to see if 'Natsumi' got an invitation to the Academy."